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cherylgiffordis

Do you believe you're worth investing in?

This is something I grappled with as recently as last year, and even after launching my business. When it came to the thought of spending money on myself and my personal growth, I convinced myself that I could do just as good a job by reading, listening to podcasts or finding a free online course to support me. Yes those things are helpful and good, but the thing is when you actually spend money on yourself it is a different kind of investment.


When I look back at my patterns of healing over the past few years, I can see that it has always been with small but relentless steps forward that I have made significant progress. The reality is that our behaviours come from our beliefs, and to change our behaviours we have to simultaneously work on our beliefs. In neuroscience this is called incremental alignment. Belief revision is an incremental process because beliefs are resistant to change. Beliefs, including those about yourself, are learned and conditioned through experience. When you make your bed each day, you embody the identity of an organized person. When you write each day, you embody the identity of a creative person. When you train each day, you embody the identity of an athletic person. The more you repeat a behaviour, the more you come to believe that you are an organised or creative or athletic person.

When I had my dark night of the soul, breakdown.. whatever you want to call it at the end of 2020, looking back now I can see the few small decisions I made that started what has become a major life transformation. First, to start taking care of my physical body through a variety of therapeutic practitioners. Then signing up for a neuroscience program, and then a hobby that was just for me - ceramics. After that I did a 30 day yoga challenge, started a regular journal practice and eventually when my corporate job ended, I had the privilege of time to dive deep into questioning my life and my self. All of the steps I had made were investments in myself and my life, but not financial. They don’t have to be all be financial, but I find that the financial ones are where the real resistance shows up.


At the end of 2021 when I was starting my business, I got my first coach. This first coach was part of a transition services package I was given and so didn’t come with a personal financial output, but when we finished our work 6 months later, I was approached by another personal coach. This time there would be a cost. What happened next was accompanied by our old friend fear. I felt so afraid to spend money on myself. I was a new entrepreneur working on building my business, convinced many days that I didn’t know what I was doing and the saboteur voice saying “who do I think I am” spending (not insignificant) money on myself. But what was I really afraid of? Not having enough money? That wasn’t true, I had the money. It being a waste of time? I couldn’t know until I tried. Having to face my fears and realities head on and do the work to overcome them with someone else staring me in the eyes. Bingo.


Often an investment in ourselves also comes with a big mirror that we have to look into, or in this case, someone else holding it up for me and reflecting back even more clearly than I could see myself. It was a step and I took it. In the time I spent with that coach, I uncovered some deep seeded stories that were holding me back from parts of the life I really wanted. At the same time I also started my own coaching training and set out on a journey to be able to help others live their best lives. And since then I have made significant investments in myself and my business with the wholehearted belief that it will pay dividends well into the future of my life including my business. Does fear still come up for me, hell yes. The worrying inner voice will never leave us, but with coaching I have really gotten to know her and learned how to best manage when she shows up.


So what?


In my experience in life, my work, and coaching others, there are many of us that struggle with worthiness and the ease of investing in self. Investing in “stuff and things” comes with so much more ease - click to confirm purchase on amazon and it will be here tomorrow! That instant gratification has become our norm and has infiltrated parts of our lives that are meant to be experienced so much more deeply. Stuff and things are external. The dopamine hit of retail therapy will never replace the value of actual therapy, whichever form that comes in for you. The internal work. Time passes ever so quickly and with it so do our attention spans. What we miss out on is much of the beauty and nuance of ordinary life and the experiences we are truly here on this planet to have.


Full circle, I invite you to close your eyes (if comfortable for you) and think about what you aspire to, what you dream about, and what kind of support you might need to achieve those things. Does it include any kind of investment in you? If no, what does it include? If yes, what comes up in your body? What does that feel like? Butterflies? Nerves? Fear of scarcity if that money is spent on something that you can’t see, smell or touch? Then flip it on its head and think about how much you are worth to you. You are your everything, full stop. The single most important thing in your life worth investing in is you. If this is met with any kind of resistance in your body, or more likely your mind, I urge you to explore that with whatever tool best serves you whether that be journaling, talking, walking, singing.. What is underneath it? And given we can’t see ourselves clearly from our personal vantage point, if support in that exploration would serve you best then perhaps consider getting a coach of your own. You’re worth it.





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