No traffic jams on the high road.

When I started this writing journey, I believed that my second post would closely follow my first, and it didn’t quite happen like that. When you show up authentically in the world sometimes there are people who want to tear you down. There is the crab in the bucket metaphor, and when people need to protect themselves and stay small, they want to keep you small too. In July I posted “this is where I start”, and the majority of the feedback was so aligned with me and what I intended to convey through that writing. Then.. one day while in Ontario celebrating the life of a lost loved one, I got an email alerting me of a comment on my post. Someone who identified themselves as “little birdie” who I can only imagine wants to “out me” for what they believe me to be, or hurt me for what perhaps they don’t like about themselves sent some hate. I can’t claim to know what they wanted to achieve in writing striking allegations about me on my website, where I put myself out to the world vulnerably (is that a word?) and in alignment with my business. They wrote that I was fired, that I sucked at my job, I facilitated bullying, had NO empathy, and that the only reason I was faking a business and creating a website was to hide that no one will work with me now. This floored me. I was stunned. You know those moments when you immediately start to sweat, want to cry, and can’t understand what is happening in front of you even though you can see it with your own eyes? My nervous system immediately kicked in, and I wanted to run, numb, disappear, or anything to unsee the words in front of me. Then I started laughing.

Here’s the thing. I’ve done a lot of work on myself in the last two years. I KNOW who I am (and what I still struggle with I am actively working on), and I know what is true versus false. These words - written with what can only be a malicious purpose - are not true.

What I’ve learned about the nervous system and how we are wired is that we all have triggers - the things that activate us and fire up our protective mechanisms in any given day. Truly the majority of people live in their protective mechanisms most of the time. This makes me sad for all those souls. Our nervous systems, saboteurs, inner critics or the resistant voice in our heads are there to protect us, keep us small and away from danger. For some, blissfully unaware, this is where we choose to live. I don’t choose this anymore. Did I want to delete the comment? A resounding yes. While I have done a lot of work to heighten my awareness of nervous system activation, it still kicks in like it does for everyone else because the fight or flight response is part of all of us, and you have the power to work with it. We all do, it just takes work.

Until that work gets started, many of us live in fear most days. We protect ourselves from anything and everything that we think will hurt us, and what that means is we don’t live full lives, authentic lives. We aren’t complete and wildly expressed selves. And that is living a lie.

I am very proud of the relationships I have built in my career, and little birdie can only be one of a handful of people who harbour such disdain.. Plus I’ve gotten really savvy on SEO analytics and y’all have location settings on, so I’ll just leave that there. My hope for little birdie is that they get the opportunity to emerge from the hatred and hurt, and start to live their life fully and authentically, from a place that doesn’t need to make other people small in order to make them feel (incorrectly) bigger or better. BE YOU. DO YOU. Shine your bright light and encourage others to do the same. Embrace the good in lifting others and not pulling them back into the crab bucket. Whatever you are afraid of, or disliking within yourself, find it and release it, and learn how to fuck fear! When we learn to love ourselves and live that way openly and wholeheartedly, we demonstrate to others that it is safe and empowering to do so too.

For the rest of you, I encourage you to imagine a world where we live our life’s purpose. My purpose is to be like sunlight and brighten the lives of anyone I encounter on any given day through personal or business connection. That could be as small as the smile to a stranger on the seawall, or as big as supporting someone in transforming their life toward joy and fulfillment. Even when my heart wants to slam shut and return to the well worn path of protection from judgement, criticism and comparison that I lived in for so very many years, I choose to keep it open. I choose the risk and desire the rewards. I bring this purpose into my business, into coaching others to live their values, and organizations to value their employees because I believe it will change the world. We all can.

Image credit goes to Daniel Biber at www.danielbiber.com